Do You Hear What I Hear?

Friday, October 26, 2018

No, you're not getting a free car. But hear me out.

How can we use raise our voices to do good things? As citizens, moms, friends- whomever you are- we need to find our voices in this world and we need to use them. What do I mean by voice?

I mean your thoughts, your feelings, your passion. The belief that you, and all people, matter. The idea that you have real opinions and your opinions count for something.

Now you may be thinking, with social media everyone has a voice. If I have to read another political rant on Facebook- GAH! But I don't mean your social media voice. I mean your real voice- your face-to-face voice. What are your goals? What are your biggest dreams? What are your fears? What's holding you back? How do you go for it- and live a fulfilling life? We need to find that. And once we find it, we need to use it for good.

So putting our virtual social media voice aside, it is a daunting task finding our voice. At least it was for me (note: see my previous post about being a SAHM). Do you feel that often times, growing up, our voice is expected to be different depending on the situation? Friendships, family, work, church, neighborhood. We wear many hats. Surely, for example, your voice at work is different than your voice in your family, or in your neighborhood. Looking back, I always had a strong voice as a friend. I was confident enough to say what I believed at a young age. I think it was because I always felt equal to my peers, like it was an even playing field. However, I felt very meek elsewhere. At work, for sure. In my family, I was raised to speak when spoken to. It was a volatile situation. One that definitely didn't leave me with much of a voice.

Do you have a voice? When did you find your voice? How have you manifested your voice inside and outside of your family? 

I am a firm believer that all voices matter and all voices can turn the tide. I love me some Rachel Hollis, Lewis Howes, Oprah- all of the above! But, you have a voice! You get a voice! And YOU get a voice!!!! You don't have to be a celebrity or a social media influencer with hundreds of thousands of followers to use your voice and influence change. Sometimes the seeds of change can be planted in a simple dinner conversation, or at a coffee shop with a close friend. The most casual conversations can make people think about things differently, and they have power.

Or take this example. Has anyone ever asked you where you want to go eat for dinner, and you hum and haw. You don't care, it doesn't matter. Whatever works....the same old canned responses we've learned to say. But what if you do care? Surely you have a preference of some sort? I'm making a conscious effort to stop saying the right answer all the time. I think this happens to all of us at one point or another.

Like most things in life, using your voice isn't all rainbows and butterflies. Sure, it's a nice idea. Figure out who you are and make the world a better place. That'd be great! But let's be real, there is a big price for using your voice. As a society, we have an aversion to conflict. And no one wants to be "that girl". The one seen as argumentative, confrontational, or whatever. It is a really hard balance, and I don't have any answers for you. But let me ask you this- how often do we use silence or indecision to deal with choices, bias, or conflict? I simply can't do that anymore. 

It's a challenge for me. It is my goal and I believe, my life's purpose, to be kind and gracious to those around me. To help influence change. Having my daughter, growing and changing in such a fast, dramatic way, helped me find my voice. And while my understanding of who I am is evolving, I am willing to feel vulnerable, and at times, alone, doing the work to figure out who I am and what I want. I know how it important it is to raise my daughter to use her voice. How do I help her find her voice, now?

The inspiration from this post and some of the ideas came from a For the Love with Jen Hatmaker Podcast episode: Use Your Words to Raise Your Voice with Kathy Khang, aired on September 4th, 2018.  That episode is available on iTunes and Spotify, but is in no way affiliated with this post. There is also no affiliation with Oprah, unfortunately. Picture used is copyrighted by OWN, Harpo Productions, 2004. :)


  1. "What are your goals? What are your biggest dreams? What are your fears? What's holding you back? How do you go for it- and live a fulfilling life? We need to find that. And once we find it, we need to use it for good."

    This has been the topic on my mind for the past few months. I feel like it took me till my mid 20's to find ME and MY VOICE and then all of a sudden marriage and kids happened and I seemed to have lost all sense of anything relating to me. Everything is put aside because I have 4 other humans in my house to consider that I forget to consider myself... my wants... my goals.. I am so busy helping everyone else meet their goals. However, one of my goals is to raise decent, caring, and loving kids. Good humans. I make it clear to my kids that their voice matters. They need to do what they love. So I really need to start leading by example and modeling that behavior.

    1. I think its about finding your voice but also KEEPING your voice. Sometimes that voice gets hidden. Sometimes it gets ignored. And sometimes we mute our own voice, worst of all. Exactly what I think you're saying. In your mid-20s you found your voice but fast forward a few years and its like- where is it? I think so much power, confidence, and self love and respect comes from spending time figuring out what your goals are, what your dreams are. I am trying to have real meaningful friendships too- where we talk about fun stuff but also goals, fears, struggles, desires. It helps :) I believe leading by example and modeling behavior is HUGE! Go girl


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